


you're our missing puzzle piece

by _helios (the_heliades)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Other, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:27:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23983072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_heliades/pseuds/_helios
Summary: Mark gets stood up by his (now ex)boyfriend of eight months about lunchtime on Valentine's Day.By dinner, he's realised that perhaps his place was always meant to be in the space of Jaemin, Jeno and Donghyuck's arms.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno/Mark Lee/Na Jaemin
Comments: 20
Kudos: 202





	you're our missing puzzle piece

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maries](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maries/gifts).



> for maries ♥ who had the prompt: Jeno, Donghyuck and Jaemin take Mark out for Valentine's Day to cheer him up after his original plans with someone else (Yukhei) fell through. As Jeno, Donghyuck and Jaemin try their best to make Mark happy and succeed after only a few attempts, Mark realises he would have rather been with his best friends anyway. 
> 
> I did change this up a little bit from the prompt, but hopefully you still enjoy this bubs! 
> 
> completely unbeta'd

It’s mid-February. Valentine’s Day to be exact. 

Summer has faded from that heavy, stifling air that fills the lungs, has faded from that heat that burns against skin. It’s almost a pleasant kind of summer, where the sun is bright and the sky is clear but sweat drips down Mark’s back as he walks away from the bus stop. 

Mark hates the bus in summer, hates the way the air-conditioning never works, hates the way it jostles as it careens down the roads. But it’s slightly too hot for the slightly too long walk from his house to the train station, and he’d put up with it for the mediocre comfort of getting him that little bit quicker. 

Mark hates the bus, even more, when he’s stuck in his head and that voice at the back of his head reminds him of how he _fucked everything up_. 

It’s Valentine’s Day, it’s just past midday and Mark is on his way back to the small house that he calls home. He only left three hours ago, when the morning was still fresh and there was that little bit of a breeze that made Mark think that it was going to be a good day. 

Except it hadn’t been a good day, because Mark’s boyfriend hadn’t turned up to their date on _Valentine’s Day_. 

It wasn’t the first time Lucas hadn’t turned up to a date. It hadn’t been the first time Lucas had decided that his friends were more important than the boy he’d been dating for eight months. And it hadn’t been the first time Lucas had laughed it off, with that carefree smile that made Mark so enamoured in the first time. 

It had been the first time that Mark had sat there, tightlipped in the cafe they went to on their first date, and then slowly and clearly told Lucas that they were over and not to call him again. 

If it were any other day Mark would be on the phone right now. Except today is the one day he can’t.

Johnny was planning on proposing to Kun today, after a full year of chickenshit moaning and too many false starts. Yuta had finally asked Doyoung out after a lifetime of hiding behind insults and longing looks. Renjun was treating himself to a home spa day in protest of the capitalist nightmare that he refused to acknowledge. 

Mark doesn’t have anyone to turn to except himself. 

So he fully intends to go home, change out of his button-up shirt and his good jeans. He’ll grab his skateboard, and he’ll stay out until he physically can’t anymore, when the exhaustion and the heat have stripped him of everything that clamours in his brain.

But he gets home, and he opens the door and Mark feels something sag through him. He feels it drag through his body, his mind and his heart, until he feels like he’s being stuck to the floor. When he toes off his shoes in the front entrance he realises that he wants nothing more than to never leave this house again. 

His legs feel weak, shaking beneath him, and Mark grabs the small table by the front door just so that he can steady himself for ten, twenty seconds. His knuckles are white, and his breathing is so heavy that it echoes in his ears but Mark _can’t_ let himself get swept under by this, he knows he can’t. 

He sucks in a breath, one that is steady and strong and measured, as he waits for his world to right itself. Then he walks down the small hallway that leads into the living room, where he can hear the hum of the television and soft, bright laughter. 

‘You’re back early.’ Donghyuck’s voice is loud, but he doesn’t bother looking up from his Nintendo Switch. He’s sprawled across the couch, tucked into the length of Jeno’s body. Jeno had been watching Donghyuck’s game, but he’s always been the better friend and he actually looks up and smiles at Mark. ‘I thought you were supposed to be going out for a movie in the evening.’

Jaemin’s sitting on the floor, laptop on his knees, pressed against the front of the couch. He’s not quite touching Jeno and Donghyuck, not plastered up against them, but he’s close enough that he could just tip his head back and Donghyuck could lean in for a kiss. 

Mark hates how it feels like they’re rubbing this _whatever they are_ in his face.

‘So did I.’ Mark’s not a crier, has never been one, but his voice wavers for just a moment before he clears his throat. ‘My plans fell through.’

Donghyuck pauses then, his fingers stilling and then he’s saving the game and turning the Switch off. It’s always an event watching Jeno, Donghyuck and Jaemin untangle from each other when they’re like this. There are so many moments when they’re _them_ , a single unit against the entire world, that when they come out of their bubble the world feels that little bit off-kilter. 

‘Don’t worry about it, seriously.’ 

Mark’s already unbuttoning his shirt, stripping away the feeling of a tight colour around his neck, a perfectly ironed shirt against his chest. He doesn’t _like_ it, but he’d put the effort in because it was supposed to be special and it was supposed to be a day where he put the effort in. 

‘ _Mark.’_

Donghyuck’s voice is sharp now, has that edge of warning that Mark knows like the back of his hand. He and Donghyuck were the sort of people who were forever people, there would always be a place for Donghyuck in Mark’s life and there would always be a place for Mark in Donghyuck’s. And normally Mark relishes in that, but today he can’t. 

‘Seriously, don’t let me disturb your day.’ Mark strides past them into his bedroom, dropping his clothes to the bedroom floor as he pulls out some track pants and his favourite t-shirt. 

He knows that they weren’t going to be able to celebrate Valentine’s Day today, Jaemin had some essay due at eight and Donghyuck had worked the morning shift at his cafe. But it’s still a day that was supposed to be for them, a day that Mark wasn’t supposed to be a part of. 

Jaemin, Jeno and Donghyuck never officially told Mark that they were a _them_. But it was obvious from the way Jeno’s fingers lingered on Jaemin’s biceps when they talked, from the way Donghyuck pressed his forehead into the space between Jaemin’s shoulder blades while they waited for their coffee to brew, and from the way Jeno and Jaemin stopped sleeping in their own rooms months ago, and now shared the master bedroom with Donghyuck. 

It was like a single breath, natural and expected, and Mark hadn’t been surprised when he realised that his best friends were in love. He hadn’t been hurt that they never told him because the four of them had never needed words before. 

‘Mark,’ Jaemin stands up, taking long strides across the living room to stand in the doorway of Mark’s bedroom, ‘you’re not disturbing anything. Tell us, what’s wrong?’

Mark’s sucks in another inhale, one that’s shakier than it should be and that’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back because Donghyuck is tugging him back into the living room, Jeno’s fingers are running through his hair in that awkward, endearing, soothing way of his, and Jaemin’s wrapping himself around Mark because he always gives the best hugs. 

‘Lucas didn’t turn up this morning,’ Mark says and the room falls silent. 

‘He did it again, didn’t he?’ Donghyuck’s anger has always burnt bright and fast, but there’s something in his voice now. It’s that rage that Donghyuck hangs onto, lingers on, when he truly, _truly_ hates someone. Mark’s only seen that anger a few times, even was the cause of it during the winter they don’t talk about. 

‘Lucas is a good guy, but he’s a horrible boyfriend,’ Jeno says, and his voice is hard and cold. Mark’s not supposed to hear it, but he hears it anyway, and it sits cold in his stomach. Jeno, who never says a truly mean thing about anyone. 

There’s a murmur of agreement between them. Mark realises, with a sudden sort of clarity, that his best friends hate his ex-boyfriend. 

‘I know that he’s Renjun’s friend and all, but he’s been an asshole to you for months, Mark, and you deserve more than that.’ Jaemin’s words are soft and kind in Mark’s ear, less of anger towards Lucas and out of love towards Mark. ‘How many times has he bailed on you now? How many times has he decided that you come second to everything?’ 

In that moment, Mark lets it encompass him. He lets himself sink into the circle of their arms, lets himself have that moment to breathe and _feel_. He shouldn’t be here, it niggles at the back of his mind that he’s an intrusion, that he isn’t a part of this. 

But at the same time, they’re his best friends and they’re more important to Mark than he ever would dare admit. 

‘Too many times.’ It’s an admission, for a guilt that Mark doesn’t deserve to feel. It’s whispered into the space between them and he can’t help what he says next. ‘I broke up with him.’

‘As you should have,’ Donghyuck says. His body is soft, gentle as he presses into Mark’s side but his words are sharp and spiteful. Mark hates how it feels like a comfort, and yet is awful at the same time. Because the most caring people he knows have this anger directed at the person that Mark was almost in love with. 

Mark inhales, a quick and sudden and he pulls himself back. There’s something that presses down on his chest, that pulls him in so tight that he can’t breathe. This space isn’t his, and Mark shouldn’t be feeling comfortable, not when he’s also feeling so raw and alone.

‘I’m going to go back to my room, you guys shouldn’t worry about me. Not today. It’s Valentine’s Day.’ 

‘Mark,’ Jaemin grabs his wrist, ‘please. We don’t care, I promise you.’

‘It’s your first Valentine’s day as…’ Mark can only wave his hand, encompassing the three of them. He can’t verbalise it, not when they haven’t yet. ‘Let’s talk about it tomorrow.’

‘I’m doing an assignment anyway, it’s not like we’re going to be able to do anything anyway. You’re important to us, Mark.’ Jaemin walks forward, Jeno and Donghyuck perched on the couch in an uncharacteristic sort of silence. ‘Let us take care of you.’

Jaemin has always been false bravado and bright smiles, but when it strips away he’s always been the most sincere and there’s something in his eyes that makes Mark crumble back down into the space on the couch. 

‘I really shouldn’t,’ he says in a mutter. 

‘Mark,’ Donghyuck says, and Mark knows that the softness is forced, gentled to try and soothe whatever panic they see on his face. ‘You broke up with your boyfriend of eight months, and you hadn’t even told us you were thinking about doing it. We’re not leaving you alone right now.’

‘You can talk to us,’ Jeno says. 

Mark doesn’t think he can, at least not yet. 

But there’s understanding in Jeno’s eyes, in Donghyuck and Jaemin’s that feels like a familiar blanket, encompassing him and drawing him in close. He swallows down a lump in his throat. And they look at each other next, and Mark can see a thousand words exchanged in a glance that he’s not entirely able to decipher. 

It brings back that lurch in his stomach, that one that makes him want to curl up in his bedroom with some beats and a notebook. Mark doesn’t _share_ , not in the way that Jaemin and Donghyuck do, the way that Johnny does, the way that Jaehyun does. He’s always been one to do things himself, to work through it himself, because he doesn’t want to ask people for help. 

Except right now, he hates that all he wants to do is reach out and ask. 

‘I’ll tell you what,’ Jeno says, softly, kindly. ‘I’m about to head to the gym anyway, you wanna come with me?’ 

Mark finds himself nodding, and there’s something like a sigh of relief that passes through the room. He doesn’t know who from. 

  
  


Mark had signed up to the same gym as Jaemin and Jeno when they first moved into the apartment. It's a fifteen-minute walk from their house, when they can be bothered, or a few minutes in the car that all over them share but none of them like to drive. Even with the heat pressing down on them, Jeno and Mark had decided to change into loose shorts and tops and make the short walk down. 

Mark doesn't go to the gym religiously, not like Jeno who goes to the gym almost daily as his escape from the rest of the world or Jaemin who never kicked the habit of going four times a week for physiotherapy. He knows his way around a gym, but he finds himself silently following Jeno around the gym and following him through the sets and reps that Jeno like to stick to. 

It's pleasant, even with the blaring music from the gym radio, and the grunts of that one guy that's trying too hard in the corner. Because the cool breeze of the fans lift away the heat that sits at his skin, because there's a rhythm that beats in his head as he counts out his reps, because there's nothing but soft words and the occasional huffed laugh from Jeno.

'We haven't done this for a while, have we?' Jeno asks, as he hands Mark some dumbbells. Mark feels more amused to notice that his are much lighter compared to the ones that Jeno lifts into place. 'We've both been so busy.'

Perhaps it's the dryness in his throat, the burn in his arms, the clarity that has washed through him from his focus on this and this alone, but it doesn't hurt Mark, what he says next. 'I started working out with Lucas a bit. It's why I haven't been here as much.'

Jeno lets out a hum, something soft and bordering on judgemental, but Mark can still hear something beneath it. 

'I thought you didn't like his gym, it was too crowded.'

Mark rests his dumbbells in his lap, as he looks at his reflection. Sweat is dripping off his forehead, he's more than a bit red, but the tension has dripped out his shoulders and he looks almost relaxed. 

'It was a good way for us to spend a lot of time together, between uni and everything,' Mark admits. 'It just made sense for us to hang out at the gym and grab something to eat after it.'

He looks at Jeno, whose hair is swept out of the way with a headband, whose shirt is drenched in sweat, whose lips are tiled into something that could almost be a frown. He meets Jeno's eyes in the mirror and the frown crinkles into something else, a smile that Mark forgot he missed.

'Well obviously you weren't making gains at the gym, you've barely bulked up since we last worked out together.'

Mark waits until Jeno puts down his weights, because he's a good friend, before shoving his shoulder lightly. 'Like either of us actually cares about gains and that stuff.'

Jeno laughs at that, louder in the space of the gym before he stands up. 'There's a difference between caring about gains, and having noodle arms.'

'How about you bring that up with Donghyuck, and not me,' Mark says. The laugh he lets out is freer, that bit looser in his chest as he and Jeno pack up, dropping the dumbbells backs and wiping their benches down so that they're not leaving a horrible mess. 

The walk back to the house seems worse, in the aftermath of the session, because they're already running warm and exhausted from the time in the gym. But being with Jeno, not being alone, lets something settle into Mark's bones, lets him feel like he's enjoying himself. 

'Gym helped, didn't it?' Jeno says, and if it were anyone else then they would have sounded smug. But Jeno has always had a sweetness about him that drew Mark to him.

'Yeah,' Mark admits with an exhale. 'It always does.'

It's not that Mark intended to work his frustration into the movements, to burn it out until there was nothing left but the lingering hurt and the knowledge that he'll be okay. But it had, Mark's heart still creeps to his throat, Mark's mind is still caught that little bit on the morning, but he no longer wants to curl up in the space of his room and just let that hurt burn through him. 

Jeno leans into Mark's side as they make their way through the sidestreets back to their house. He's always been one who gets tired after a workout, while Jaemin gets that burst of energy and excitement. Even with the heat, even with the sweat the sticks to their skin, Mark's happy to let Jeno tuck into his side as they walk. 

Mark sucks in a breath, noting that it feels better than it did even just an hour ago, like something is looser in his chest.

'You didn't like Lucas, did you?'

Mark doesn't really believe that he's asked the question, until it's fallen off his tongue and he realises that Jeno has stiffened slightly at his side. 

'It's like I said at home,' Jeno says, and his words are so kind and careful that it makes Mark's heart clench in his chest. 'Lucas is a great guy, really fun to be around and really nice. But he's a horrible boyfriend, Mark. I don't think he really knows how to be one.'

'He was a good boyfriend,' Mark says, even though the protests feel flat on his tongue. 'I mean, at the start he was.'

'Lucas is all enthusiasm, and energy,' Jeno says. Mark doesn't think that it's necessarily Lucas that is making Jeno's nose crinkle up that little bit. He knows that Lucas and Jeno are two very different people, and even though they like each other, Jeno can never be around Lucas for too long. 'And when you guys started dating, all that energy and excitement was directed into it. Do you remember what it was like, when you guys first started dating?'

It kind of hurts to think about, but not in that bright and harsh way that steals his breath. In that lingering, almost healed hurt, because it's been so long since Lucas and he started dating, and Mark had gotten so used to the way things had become. 

'It was good, he'd pick me up for dates and he'd organise such different and fun things.' Lucas was adventurous and had that spark that pushed Mark into his own adventures. He had never ice-skated before Lucas had decided that they were going to an ice-skating disco night for their fifth date. 

'And then they tapered off, and you guys started hanging out whenever he was able to,' Jeno's voice is as low and as steady as it has always been. 

'We were busy, and it was hard to make time.' Mark's protests are empty to his own ears, more of a routine argument than anything he believed in.

'You travelled forty minutes to go to the same gym as him,' Jeno said with an exhale, 'and he cancelled on you every third date.' 

Mark's silent, even as he slings an arm around Jeno. Jeno buries a little bit deeper into Mark's arms, no question in his face or body or smile, an acceptance and an exhaustion that Mark finds himself glad that he's privy to. 

He still answers even though Jeno is the one person who wouldn't push. Because Jeno is the one person who wouldn't push. 

'It wasn't because it was Valentine's Day, that I broke up with him,' Mark says with a halting kind of cadence, trying to settle the words that want to bubble up in the face of Jeno's non-judgement, in the face of Jeno's kindness. 'I don't think it would have been very fair for me to break up with him just because of that.'

'You're too kind to do that,' Jeno says, eyes tilting up into that brighter smile. 

'But it was just,' Mark exhales and Jeno squeezes him tighter for a moment, 'it was just that I've spent so long just nodding my head as he goes chase after Yang or Dejun, and just letting him go off with Kunhang to do whatever is so important. But he's so close to them and they're so important to him, I can't ask him to put them second to me.'

'But he shouldn't be putting you second either,' Jeno says, immediately and firmly.

'Why do I feel like this isn't the first time you've said something like that about him.'

'It's not,' Jeno admits. 'We're worried about you, we've been worried about you and it hurt us so much to see how you were trying to make things work when it was obvious that it wasn't going to.'

Mark sighs. 

It's a kinder way of saying it. Mark knows, distantly, that he and Lucas had been clinging to a relationship that fell apart months ago, knows that it was probably pathetic to the eyes of those around him. But he had ignored that, ignored it for as long as he could before he decided that it was too much. 

'I knew it was coming, I think.'

'You never said anything.'

'I didn't want to,' Mark says, 'I didn't want to admit that things were going wrong, didn't want to have to think about it but then it happened and it just feels so shit, so shit right now.'

Jeno is clingy, but he's not like Jaemin and Donghyuck so when Mark feels a dry kiss pressed against the side of his head, he almost starts in surprise. He looks fully at Jeno, whose cheeks are that little bit pink but his eyes lowered into that firm determination that makes him Jeno.

'It's allowed to feel shit,' he says. 'And you're allowed to ask us for help, because we're your friends and we're here to support you when you need it. I'm sorry that you didn't feel like you could talk about it with us, that you didn't want to tell us about it.' 

'It's not that I didn't want to tell you guys, it was that I couldn't work out how,' Mark admitted. 'I don't know how long this thing has been going with you guys, but it's different and special, what you have. I would look at you guys and look at myself and Lucas and I just couldn't work out how to explain it. That Lucas and I seemed so? Fragile compared to you three.'

The three of them felt like soulmates. Standing next to Lucas, Mark didn't want to admit that he knew that they wouldn't be a forever like Jeno, Jaemin and Donghyuck felt like they would be.

'I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could comfortably talk to us,' Jeno says, and he sounds so bad that Mark, for a moment feels worse than he did when he called Lucas that morning. 'We never wanted to make you feel like that.'

'You didn't, it wasn't anything your fault.' Mark is quick to correct Jeno. They're almost home, the walk melted down into something that's a cross between a pleasant conversation and the most difficult one Mark has had all day. 'I just... Once you see what good is, it makes it really obvious what you're missing out on.'

Jeno's face softens, into that pleased, dopey look that he gets when he's truly happy and Mark can't help the overwhelming warmth that washes over him in that moment.

They're his closest friends, and there's nothing Mark wants more than for them to be happy. 

Jeno stops at the end of the street, pulling away from Mark just that little bit. The loss of his warmth, even in the heat of summer, aches for just that moment before he looks at where Jeno's crouched, a tabby cat batting at his paws as it reclines in the sun. He's cooing at Mrs K's cat, who loves to lounge on the nature strip and has a special soft spot for Jeno. Mark doesn't mind, the way that he's been abandoned in the face of Jeno's adoration for the cat. 

They both know the moment they step back into the house, whatever peace they have will snap and this freedom that Mark feels when he speaks won't come back, not really. 

'You guys are happy. Yeah?' Mark asks, leaning against a fence as he watches Jeno carefully rub his hand over Mrs K's cat. 'Like you guys are solid.'

'We're great,' Jeno says. Mark isn't sure if his voice is softer because he's speaking to the cat, or if he's talking about Jaemin and Donghyuck. 'I mean, we can always be better but we're good and we're so happy, which is enough for now.'

There's none of that quiet resignation that Mark would have had in the same situation, there's nothing bitter, if the idea of a maybe someday doesn't scare Jeno and for a moment Mark is so jealous that he can't breathe, before he pushes it away and shoves it away because his happily ever after will come and he knows it. 

'Maybe you and Lucas weren't supposed to work out, and maybe he was kind of awful when it came to that,' Jeno muses as brushes himself off and stands up again. 'But you deserve a lot more than what you got Mark, and you shouldn't feel guilty for thinking that.'

He turns up to look at Mark, and Mark feels stunned where he stands. The words curl around his guts, settle into him in a way that still feels uncomfortable. But it's loosened that little bit of tension that was still lingering, that he still didn't want to touch on no matter how easily he could talk to Jeno about it. 

He feels exposed in front of Jeno, like everything has been stripped back and Jeno can see into the deepest parts of his soul. And yet there's something in Jeno's smile that means that it isn't scary, that Mark feels safe. And he can't help but be glad that he knows, has, Jeno, when Jeno is truly the best of all men.

  
  


‘Would you _shut the fuck up?’_

Jeno drops his water bottle to the floor, the sound echoing through the house as he speeds down the hallway to the living room. Mark stumbles in after him, toeing off his shoes and kicking the water bottle aside. He knows, as well as anyone in this house, that an upset Jaemin can be a vicious Jaemin. 

He also knows that Donghyuck will not stand down. 

‘Will you stop acting like an ass then?’ Donghyuck spits just as Jeno and Mark burst into the room.

Jaemin and Donghyuck stand at either end of the couch, no longer curled up into the tangle of arms and affection that they’d been when Mark and Jeno left just an hour and a half earlier. Jaemin's lips are curled into a snarl, as he spits out an insult that has Donghyuck flinching back before hissing something even worse.

In two hours they'll feel awful about it, in two hours they'll talk through it and try to work out how to be better. But right now, they're angry and hurting and Mark knows better than to step in and make things worse. 

It must be early in the argument because Donghyuck isn't red from anger and Jaemin's hair is still carefully sculpted and hasn't been ruined by him ripping his hands through his hair in frustration. 

'Stop it,' Jeno barks, and he's between them in a second, pulling himself up to the full size and bulk that he doesn't like to show off. 'Both of you.'

'I'm trying to get this done,' Jaemin waves a hand to his laptop, abandoned on the coffee table between them. 

'And I'm trying to help,' Donghyuck says with a scowl. 

'Well you're not,' Jaemin spits back.

It rings in the silence of the room, and Mark doesn't know what he feels like, on the side of the room when he watches the three of them together. It's not unfamiliar, apart from Jeno they're all people whose anger burns harsh and bright, but Mark doesn't know what to do. 

'Hyuck,' Jeno says with a sad look, 'I think you should go out for a bit.' 

It makes Donghyuck flinch away, stepping back that one step that Mark knows means that he's been hit harder than he would like to admit. There's something in Jaemin's eyes at the movement, a softening and a guilt, but Jeno doesn't let him step forward. 

Instead, he himself curls his hands around Donghyuck's wrists, pulling him into a hug. 'I don't want to,' he says, and it would be an unheard whisper, if not for the silence that echoes around them, that fills the space of their living room. 'I really don't want you to have to. But you both need to calm down now, and Jaemin needs to stay here and finish this.'

Donghyuck nods shakily, and Mark aches for how small he looks in Jeno's arms. Mark aches for the way Donghyuck pulls back and doesn't even look at Jeno and Jaemin, just stumbles into the direction of the bedroom that has been _theirs_ for weeks. 

Mark casts a look at Jeno again, who has already turned around to a stiff and stoic Jaemin, before he follows Donghyuck into his room. 

Donghyuck is standing there, eyes wide and hands shaking just that little bit. His anger has always been quick to burn out, and even if he pretends to be unaffected by those around him, Mark knows that Donghyuck shouldn't be alone.

'If you can wait five minutes for me to shower, we can go get bubble tea?' Mark says. 

  
  


Mark finds Donghyuck sitting in the front seat of their car, a beat-up Volvo they bought second hand off Johnny a year ago and then promptly decided they never wanted to drive anyway. He's playing with his phone, one of those games that Mark's never been able to get into but Donghyuck loves. But he's biting back curses as he misses, and he drops his phone into his lap when he runs out of lives after a few minutes. 

Donghyuck's never been good at concentrating when he's upset. 

'Thanks for waiting,' Mark says. 

He doesn't bother to force cheer, not with the upset that drips from Donghyuck and the tangle of emotions that has begun to rear up again in his chest. Donghyuck seems to appreciate it, from the way he slumps into the seat as Mark pulls the car out of the driveway. 

'I'm sorry you had to see that,' Donghyuck mutters, looking out the window as they begin the twists and turns that will take them to the local shopping mall. He leans over and fiddles with the airconditioning that hasn't worked since before Johnny sold the car to them. 'Especially today of all days.'

'Dude,' Mark glances at Donghyuck out of the corner of his eyes, 'I was the one that was interrupting you guys. And don't forget, I've been your friend since we were in primary school. I know what you guys get like when you're upset.'

'Still,' Donghyuck says. 'It wasn't a mature response, from either of us, and you didn't sign up for either of us acting like this.'

'Pretty sure I did,' Mark says, elbowing Donghyuck lightly, 'when I agreed to sit down and talk to you after our fight.'

It's amazing how much things have changed since then. Mark still remembers the anger and the ice that had spread between himself and Donghyuck. He still remembers the way everyone had tiptoed around them for three months, the way no-one had said or done anything in that time. 

He remembers how it had taken him and Donghyuck so long to admit that what they had done was wrong, that their fight was stupid and immature. 

He hadn't realised that Donghyuck had grown up so much, that _he_ had grown up so much, since that first fight. 

'We've come a long way since then,' Donghyuck says with a shallow laugh. Mark can't help the agreement that hums out of him. 'I'm going to have to apologise when we get back, when we're both calmed down.'

'You're both going to have to apologise,' Mark says. It's meant to be impartial, it's meant to be neutral, but there's that longing in Mark's heart that things don't turn out awful. There's that surety that everything is going to be okay, because they're all so much stronger now. 

'You're solid,' Mark says, remember what he and Jeno had been talking about in the moments before they walked back into the house. 'And you guys work so hard to be good to each other, to all of us. It's admirable, it's one of the best things about you.' 

He can't help the slight ache in his voice at the words, at the thoughts that had been running through his head for the past few hours. 

'Do,' Mark knows he shouldn't be asking this, 'you think that I should have tried harder with Lucas?'

Donghyuck is rarely silent, Mark has learnt in over fifteen years of friendship, so the fact that he doesn't say anything for a moment lingers in the air. 

'I think that you were already trying really hard,' Donghyuck says. 'We could all see it, the way you would plan things and travel to his place just for a few hours with him and his friends. You were never a bad boyfriend, Mark.'

Then why didn't they work? Mark couldn't help but think, even if the words didn't come out and he was left.

'I didn't plan on breaking up with him this morning,' Mark admits, because Donghyuck needs something to cling to and distract himself with, and Jeno has loosened that lump in Mark's throat. 'I thought that perhaps he would make the effort, and we could sort it out again and then we'd talk about it.' 

Donghyuck stays almost uncharacteristically quiet, as Mark drives their creaking, clattering car. 

'But then he didn't show, and I thought it's okay? Because really, Valentine's Day isn't anything more special than any other day, not really.' Mark's fingers flex around the steering wheel, as the words begin to bubble up and form in his head. 'But then I called him, and he said that he was playing ultimate frisbee with Kunhang and Yangyang and Dejun this morning. And he laughed, when he said he couldn't make it, like it was no big deal.'

Donghyuck isn't mad, Mark can see from the corner of his eyes, but there's something hard and flinty in his eyes as he turns Mark's words over. He looks at Mark, and his words are biting when he speaks. 'Did he say anything about an apology?'

Mark shook his head. 'He did say sorry, but it didn't feel like he even realised he said it? It was almost like he said it automatically, without meaning. And I just thought, I don't know if I can make the effort anymore. A relationship is supposed to be work, but it's not supposed to be that much work. The work is supposed to lead to something good, isn't it?'

He hears his own voice catch, and he looks out the front window as he pulls into the carpark and cuts the engine. He can't move, hands still wrapped around the wheel, eyes still locked ahead of him and it's only a moment before he feels the soft weight of Donghyuck's head against his shoulder. 

'You don't have to feel guilty, for giving up or whatever nonsense is running through your head right now,' Donghyuck says. He cuts off the protest rising up in Mark's throat with a single look. 'I know you, and I know what you're thinking right now. You tried so hard, Mark, and he didn't and it's not on you that it wasn't enough.'

'Is it bad, that I don't think that I would care if he did make the effort now?' 

'Not at all,' Donghyuck says and his voice is still hard as steel even as he reaches to take Mark's hand. 'You're allowed to feel however you want to feel.'

'I think I knew it was going to be over someday, I just didn't expect to be so quick.'

Donghyuck lets out a hum, soft and musical before he pulls away from Mark and opens the car door. 'The way I see it Mark, is that you deserved so much more than what he gave you. You'll be a good boyfriend, a perfect boyfriend, to whoever decides to give back as much as you give.'

Mark can't help the way his chest warms, as he climbs out of the car as well. 

'Now,' and Donghyuck sucks in a single breath that Mark is so used to, and he finds a smile growing across his own face as he copies Donghyuck, 'let's shake the feelings talk, and discuss things that are way more fun. This conversation? Definitely not our thing.'

It brings a bark of laughter to Mark's lips, a smile that he can't contain, and he follows Donghyuck through the car park to where their favourite bubble tea store is.

Donghyuck is quick to grab Mark's hand once they fall into step, a move that would ordinarily have Mark pulling away with a laugh. But Mark finds himself clinging back, to the warmth and the familiarity that is Donghyuck Lee. It's been a while since it was just the two of them, he realises, and he finds that he misses that comfort of his best friend in his life. 

'I'm sorry, about what happened with Jaemin just then,' Mark says. He's unsure if it's the wrong thing to say, especially after Donghyuck had declared their conversation to be feelings free. 

Donghyuck shakes his head. 'It's fine, I know that I was pushing it, and he knows that he was overreacting. We'll be fine, when we've had some space and when we can talk things out.'

'Much better than how it went with us,' Mark says with a small laugh. 

A year ago, talking about that winter would have been something they skirted around. But now, with distance and time and growth, Mark finds that he's not as scared to touch on it, to talk about. Donghyuck doesn't seem to either, from the way he smiles at Mark.

'Literally everything has been better than our fight. What was it even about, anyway?' 

Mark doesn't remember, because in the end the core of the fight had been about pride and about who could hurt the other more. He doesn't remember because he doesn't think it matters anymore, and he knows it doesn't matter to Donghyuck either. 

'Who knows. My brother, probably,' Mark says with a shrug, because Johnny had been special to both of them and they'd both wanted to be his favourite for most of their childhood. 'He's proposing to Kun today?'

Donghyuck gives him a doubtful look. 'He says he's going to, but do you think he's actually going to do it?'

It draws a laugh out of Mark, the pure hesitation in Donghyuck's voice. He doesn't blame Donghyuck for it, Johnny has tried to propose three times already this year and Mark's almost completely sure that Kun knows but is playing along because he knows how much it means to Johnny.

'I'm not sure, but I hope so,' Mark says. 'Otherwise, we might just have to do it for him.'

Donghyuck lets out that ugly, loud laugh of his and Mark can't help but feel that little bit lighter for it, can't help but feel that relief that things are okay, that things will be okay. He has always felt at home next to Donghyuck's side, since he was six years old and introduced to the only other Korean kid in his primary school at the time.

'We'd do a terrible job,' Donghyuck says with a snigger, and Mark tugs him closer so that he can sling an arm around Donghyuck's shoulders.

'Yeah, but we'd get the job done.'

  
  


Donghyuck balances all their bubble tea as Mark opens the front door, calling out a greeting to both Jaemin and Jeno in as sweet a voice as he can. He reaches down to pick up Jeno's still abandoned drink bottle as he passes it, and so he's a split second behind Donghyuck when they walk back into the main rooms of the house. 

Jaemin is clinging to Donghyuck, hands linked together in the small of Donghyuck's back and his face pressed into the curve of Donghyuck's neck. Donghyuck rocks them back and forth, a low soothing sound coming out of his throat as Jaemin sucks in a single, shaky breath. 

'I'm so sorry,' Jaemin says, 'I'm so so sorry.'

It's heartfelt and sweet and heartbroken, and Mark should feel like he's watching something that he isn't allowed. But it doesn't feel like that, as warmth washes over him, as relief washes over him at the way these boys are together. 

'It's not okay,' Donghyuck says, his voice not shaking as he keeps firm to the stubbornness and sweetness that makes him Donghyuck. 'Not yet, but it will be okay.' Jaemin nods from where he's tucked into Donghyuck's body. 'But I wasn't much better, and I'm sorry for not respecting what you wanted me to do as well.'

Donghyuck pulls back, and Mark watches as Donghyuck runs his fingers through his Jaemin's hair, smoothing them back into place. Their eyes are fixed on each other, their attention is only on the other and it feels like a punch to the gut, knowing that he's only ever felt that kind of trust with the boys in front of him. 

'We'll talk later,' Jaemin says, with a softness that makes Mark smile. He leans in to press a light kiss to Donghyuck's lips before pulling back. 

'You'll be okay?'

'I'll be fine,' Jaemin says, 'I'm almost done with this assignment. But you needed to talk to Jeno, it wasn't fair of him to get you to leave like this. He's in our room.'

Donghyuck nods, and there's a slight tightness to his lips that reappears at those words. He grabs Jeno's bubble tea from the carry tray, before casting a look over his shoulder to where Mark was leaning against the doorway. There's something in his eyes that makes Mark's heart swell in his chest, and Mark knows as surely as he knows that Jeno is playing on his Switch in his bedroom that Donghyuck wants him to watch over Jaemin.

Jaemin's gaze tracks Donghyuck as he walks into Jeno's room, his hands forming fists and loosening in a rapid squeeze. He's always been the middle point of Donghyuck and Jeno, all brightness and loud excitement but also moments when he completely pulls into himself. 

Mark has always liked it, the way that Jaemin fits into the gaps that the other two make, but he also knows that the anguish in Jaemin's gaze is guilt. 

He knows that he should get Jaemin back onto the assignment, knows that the longer this goes on, the harder it is going to be for Jaemin to finish it. But Jaemin has always been the tallest and the strongest of them, and he stands there looking so tired and scared that Mark needs to reach out to him. 

He's got a hand wrapped around Jaemin's wrist before he can even comprehend that he's done it, pulling Jaemin back down onto the couch. 

'Is this okay?' Mark asks, into the space between them. It's hard to believe that just a few hours ago, a miserable Mark had walked into the vibrancy that is his best friends' relationship, with the silence that has engulfed the room. 

'Yeah, yeah, it's fine,' Jaemin says, sounding like it was anything but. He leans back into the couch, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes and letting out a loud groan. 'You really didn't need this today, did you? I'm sorry that we've made everything worse for you.'

'I don't think you guys made anything worse,' Mark says, struck with his own honesty. 'If anything you guys have helped to make me feel a lot better.'

'Glad to see that you get some joy from our messes,' Jaemin says, sharp and hot. He immediately winces, pulling his hands away to look at Mark with wide eyes. 'I'm sorry, that was unfair of me to say. I shouldn't let this get to me, I know that stress makes me horrible to be around.'

Mark smiles. 'It does make you a bit horrible, but you've been working on it, haven't you?'

Jaemin lets out a small humourless laugh, but he doesn't deny Mark's words as he sits there on the couch. Mark doesn't know whether he wants to pull Jaemin into his arms or not, because Mark's never been one for those kinds of touches and sweetness but Jaemin thrives off it and more than anything he wants to be there for Jaemin.

'You guys are so grounded, so real,' Mark says, feeling every bit as awkward as he has all day, teetering on the edge of saying too much and saying not enough. He wants to run, but everything spills out and tumbles out and it all started because he finally stepped away from Lucas. 'It's admirable, it's something that I'd love to have one day.'

Jaemin lets out something like a cough as he looks at Mark, a question in his eyes as Mark keeps talking. 

'Yeah, you guys have fought but you work so well together, you know how you're going to go forward and be better, and it's kinda amazing,' Mark admits. 

'And to think that you were so downtrodden just a few hours ago,' Jaemin says with a hiccuping laugh. He hasn't yet leaned into Mark's side, and Mark reaches over to take his hands. He doesn't know how to do this, he realises, when the conversation is not filled with laughter and jokes. But he wants to hold Jaemin in this moment, because he looks so tired. 

'It sucked,' Mark says, 'that I broke up with Lucas this morning. But the longer the day has gone on, the more I've started to realise that he wasn't as important as I thought he was.' 

Mark had liked Lucas's laugh, had liked his smile and his excitement and his passion. But that wasn't what he had thought about today, at the end of it. 

'I'm glad you broke up with him,' Jaemin admits. 'He wasn't right for you at all.'

'He'll be right for someone, one day,' Mark couldn't help but muse, 'but I don't think it's me. I don't think I want it to be me.'

For the first time, since the insidious little thought poked into his head that morning, Mark wonders if what he had wanted from Lucas was Lucas, or a relationship. If Lucas was the easy way out that started to spiral and get so difficult that Mark didn't really want it as much anymore. 

Mark exhales, where he's pressed up against the couch. He lifts an arm, the only signal he gives Jaemin whose face lights up that little bit at the invitation. He can't help but let the smile grow on his face, as he looks at Jaemin.

'You're happier,' Jaemin notices. Mark thinks he might agree, because that misery that weighed him down that morning has almost completely faded away and instead there's a lightness that he can't explain. 'That's all we wanted for you, it's why we never said anything about Lucas, because overall it made you happy.'

'I think you guys make me happier,' Mark admits with a laugh.

Jaemin's smile grows, and he tilts his head down to look at Mark with something far brighter and happier than Mark has seen all day.

  
  


Donghyuck returns an hour later, Jeno slinking out of the room behind him. There's no doubt about the fact that they've both been crying, Jeno's looking at the floor and Donghyuck has the telltale puffiness around his eyes that he can never truly get rid of. 

Mark and Jaemin are pressed up on the couch. He's not quite sure how it happened, but somehow him comforting Jaemin turned into him being unable to pull away to let Jaemin finish this assignment. It's comfortable, slumped into the corner of the couch while Jaemin leans into him, similar to what he had walked in on when he came home earlier in the afternoon. 

Jeno and Donghyuck are quiet as they creep onto the couch as well, mindful of Jaemin as his fingers fly across the keys. The tension is still there in their shoulders, but it's not walking on eggshells as they had been just a little bit earlier. 

Jaemin grabs Donghyuck's hand as Donghyuck settles between him and Jeno on the couch, pressing a dry kiss to his knuckles, without even looking, before he goes back to his assignment. It's an apology, and a thank you, Mark thinks as he watches the three boys settle themselves into the couch. And just like Jeno and Donghyuck had been so sure, he knows that everything is going to be okay. 

Jeno looks over Donghyuck and Jaemin, meets Mark's eyes and there's something like relief in it, something like kindness in it. And even though he knows that leaving Donghyuck and Jaemin alone is what had culminated in the argument from earlier, Mark is suddenly so grateful that Jeno took him out that morning, so grateful that Jeno pushed him through that initial anger and grief of his breakup so that he could be here. So that he could feel okay about it. 

There's a fierce tap of fingers against keys, and Mark breaks from Jeno's gaze as he watches Jaemin's shoulders droop and relax. The tension and the stress of the assignment leak out of him as he hits enter for the final time and lights up, watching the program that he'd been slaving over for hours finally work. 

'Oh, finally,' Jaemin breathes. A frisson of something works through all of them, a spike of excitement and anticipation and relief as Jaemin uploads the string of code that he's been working on into the assessment tool and slams the laptop close. 'It's done, I'm free.'

He pushes the laptop away, placing it on the coffee table, before he's practically throwing himself onto Donghyuck, apologies filling the space between them in a rushed staccato of words and kisses. Jeno runs a hand over his shoulder, as close to soothing as he can as his boyfriends cuddle in his lap. 

As they cuddle on their laps. 

Mark swallows down the sudden lump in his throat, the relief that's tied in with something that Mark can't describe. 

He coughs through it, 'We should probably think about dinner, shouldn't we?' 

It feels too awkward, as Jaemin and Donghyuck pull apart from each other. They exchange glances, eyes firm and filled with something that could be amusement before Donghyuck speaks up. 'Jaemin and I have had a day, and we're electing not to cook.'

Jeno and Mark immediately share a wary look, the two of them can cook but they can't cook well.

'Everywhere worth eating at has probably already been booked,' Jeno says hesitantly, looking at Mark with a little bit of hope. 

'Cancelled my dinner reservations as soon as I called Lucas, I wasn't going to be eating dinner there on my own, not today,' Mark admits. 

There's a snort of laughter from the other boys, before Jaemin and Donghyuck untangle themselves and pull away from the couch. It leaves Mark feeling cold, for a moment, before Donghyuck digs around in his pocket and pulls out his phone and then flops gracelessly back down into the space that Jaemin had just vacated. Jaemin settles more carefully onto the floor, now that Donghyuck is sprawled across the entire couch. 

'What do we want to eat? Pasta?' Donghyuck suggested, flicking through the app on his phone. 'There's a discount on that Japanese place that we all like.'

'I don't care,' Jaemin admits, tilting his head up to look at the three of them. 'As long as it comes in the next hour because I am starving.'

'You're always starving,' Mark says with a laugh, as Donghyuck quickly flicks through the menu and places their orders. 

There's a giggle that works through them, and it takes Mark a moment to realise that it's from Jeno, whose face has curled up into a bright grin at their antics. 

'What?' Donghyuck asks, before Mark can even open his mouth. It's not an aggressive question, but it's not curious either. It almost sounds like a tease, to Mark's ears, although he doesn't know why. 

'Just that it's nice to see Mark smiling, properly,' Jeno says. 'With all of us.'

Donghyuck flicks back to look at Mark. 'Yeah, it is.'

  
  


Their food comes maybe forty minutes later, a plethora of Japanese dishes that Jeno is quick to unbox and plate while Jaemin and Donghyuck scrape together something that vaguely resembles a salad. Their dining table is covered in a mess of books and a puzzle that Jeno was working on, so Mark made quick work of cleaning up the small coffee table. 

It seems fitting, at the end of the day, that they decide to huddle in front of the tv and just spend time in the presence of each other. He carefully places Jaemin's laptop to the side, and clears up the now empty and mangled bubble tea cups, throwing them into the recycling bin that he carefully maintains. 

'That's too much dressing,' Jaemin scolds, as Donghyuck measures out oil and vinegar in a dress. 'Donghyuck, we don't need that much dressing.'

'We'll save it for tomorrow then,' Jeno says, moments before he drops the rice into the middle of the plate. 

Mark isn't sure what he's expecting, but it's not the lightness in the centre of his chest, it isn't the laughter that bubbles up inside of him. It's certainly not the sudden lightning strike of a realisation that this is where he's meant to be, that he's never happier than when he is standing with these boys and surrounded by their laughter. Mark can't help thinking that there's no-one he loves more than them. 

He stops, struck dumb as he looks at the three of them. 

It's been them for as long as he can remember, navigating the treacherous path of childhood to adulthood. And they've been the one constant, through thick and thin, that has brought that smile to his face. He'd been miserable that morning, that early afternoon, when he got home from the failure of a Valentine's Date. But the three boys, in their own ways and through their own mess, had chipped everything away and left that happiness that resonated in Mark's chest. 

He can't help the way he freezes, can't help the way his heart seizes with sudden fear. Because Mark thinks that perhaps the only place he's supposed to be is with these boys, surrounded by them, and he can't tell for that moment if it's because he's still aching from the loss of his relationship, seeking something to feel the void that he created. 

He can't tell if he's looking at these three boys and selfishly wanting to become a part of it. Can't tell if he's projecting onto them because they are the antithesis of the failed relationship he had only walked away from that morning. 

But then he remembers being fifteen, being five, being twelve, being twenty-one. He remembers how they've been there the whole time, and how each time they were the ones that brought a smile to his face. He remembers how he's been through the very best and the very worst with them. And Mark can't help but wonder if everything the has done, every choice to go up to them and become their friends, to accept Johnny's advice when he and Donghyuck were on tenterhooks, to break up with his ex and stop just long enough for them to bring him comfort has brought him to where he is. 

He's so incredibly glad, and terrified, that he decided to come home, that he decided to instead let them draw him into their arms and into their hearts as they nudged each smile and laugh from him today. Because if he had kept his head down, if he had gone to hide in his own head, he might not have realised how lucky he is to be apart of the strange dichotomy that made up all of them. 

'What's he looking at?' Donghyuck asks. 

Mark snaps out of his thoughts, realising with a blush that all three boys are looking at him from the kitchen and that he's standing there with napkins held loose in his hands. 

Jeno smiles. 'I think he's finally caught up with the rest of us.'

'What?' Mark breathes as they make their way over to the table, sliding plates of food onto the coffee table and pushing Mark down onto the floor so that they're all looking at him. 'What do you mean caught up with you guys?'

Jaemin's lips curl up into a smile, one that is somehow equal parts mischievous and kind. 'There's no pressure, Mark, but surely you realise how you fit into this, into us?' 

Mark's eyes dart from face to face. Jaemin with his smirk and his kindness. Jeno with a bright smile curving his eyes up into half-moons. Donghyuck who looks half dumbstruck and half excited. 

'It was never going to be just the three of us,' Jeno explains, 'and like Jaemin said there's no pressure because we know that you just got out of something with Lucas today. But the four of us have been an us for so long already.'

It feels like a punch to the sternum, the way the three of them are looking at him. The way that Mark knows immediately that what they are saying is right, that the doubt that he'd been feeling just minutes ago melts away in the face of their hope.

'We're good as a three, but you make us better Mark. And hopefully, we make you better too,' Donghyuck says, and it's such a small voice, something that is so Donghyuck and yet so not, that Mark lets his head fall into his hands.

He needs to breathe, and he can hear the way all of them fall silent at his words. 

'I love you guys.' Mark chokes out the words, and he can hear a small gasp from one of them, all of them, he isn't sure anymore. 'And I've always known that, you guys are the most important people in my life. But I don't think I realised how I loved you guys until today. I didn't realise how everything clicked into place, not until today. I'm so behind you guys, I don't know.' He's almost babbling, the pressure of the words coming out before he can stop them. 

'It's okay,' Jaemin says, his voice soft and kind as he leans over the table, tilting Mark's chin up. 'We don't mind waiting for you to catch up.'

'We've got the rest of our lives, after all,' Donghyuck says, just as Jaemin leans in and brushes a light kiss across Mark's lips. 

Mark's breath catches, as he draws back and looks at the three boys, at _his_ three boys, and his heart is filled with such love and certainty that he knows that Donghyuck is right.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> ((for those curious, johnny does not propose. kun drags him to city hall within the month))


End file.
